Hi, my name is Kalae, and I judge everybody.

So a few things have come up lately that have caused me to think about the whole concept of judging others.

Or, perhaps, not judging others.

People tend to say that a lot: "Don't judge."

Or "I don't judge." This is, in my opinion, one of the hugest piles of steaming bullshit around.

Most of the individuals who claim "not to judge" are some of the most judgmental people on the planet - they just keep it all inside - obsessed with the political correctness movement, wherein we all judge each other silently, but violently, and stand from our pedestal of righteousness and superiority since we refer to criminals as "unsavory characters", drug addicts as "chemically challenged", and lazy pieces of shit as "motivationally deficient".

Which are, in and of themselves, judgments.

Because as far as I can tell, there is no way to avoid judging others. It's like an auto-pilot reaction to life. I have been conditioned by my social,  economic, and cultural background to perceive the world in a certain way. I've developed black and white areas in my head distinguishing between right and wrong. educated or not, classy or not - the list continues.

I can't just THINK that shit away. I can't just erase them with positive self-talk and Oprah.

In my experience, the best thing to do with judgments is to admit they're there, face them directly, and focus on being as willing as possible to let them go should information that negates them comes my way and try to keep an open mind.

After giving it some thought, I think people that say "don't judge" really mean "don't condemn".

And that, I think, is some sound advice. If I reject people because they're doing something I don't agree with, I have entered the land of closed-mindedness and I am sure to stay swimming forever in a pool of my own judgments and hate.

I have all kinds of people in my life that do things that make me wonder if they have a mental disorder, but I freaking love them anyway. My love goes past my ego's need to judge them. I watch my judgement come up, maybe I say something, maybe I don't, but it's always about going back to loving them. There's more to a person than the one thing that REALLY irritates me. 

Hold onto that.


Unless that thing is really fucking BIG. Then we can't be friends. I'm not Mother Theresa, you know.

Some behavior needs to be judged. We have to use our brains to look critically at what this world is selling us. Someone can't just beat their child and have everyone think "oh, let's be open minded and support them in their beliefs".

So where to we draw the line? Everyone has their own interpretation of right and wrong, sure some are obvious, like child abuse, but on smaller-scale things like how to treat someone that's done you wrong...some would say "an eye for an eye" and others would say "turn the other cheek" - so which is right? They're completely opposite...is there a compromise?

For instance, Martin Luther King Jr. Was he not judging? Was he not taking a look at this society and analyzing it like a jeweler analyzes a diamond, assessing what is right and wrong. He judged, but he didn't condemn. And his love made him profoundly effective.

No, I am not comparing myself to MLK Jr. Um....that would be ridiculous. He changed our country. I say "fuck" a lot and complain about the weather.

But I do try in my own small, unimportant, slightly pathetic way, to say things honestly as I see them, to stand up for things that I believe to be true and right and real.

I've never had the gift of small talk or indirectness or beating around the proverbial bush. Consequently, I am really good at removing my foot from my mouth.

I am so used to being wrong it's not even funny.

But I still get worked up when others tell me I'm wrong, as my ego stomps it's foot, screaming obscenities from the corner of the room, and I write pissed off retaliatory blogs. I am childish, self-centered, egotistical, and shallow.

I am a person with judgments, and disasters, and failures, and tantrums.

I will let you down. I will contradict myself. I will walk out too soon and overstay my welcome. I will speak the wrong words.

I just hope you all can love me the same way I will strive to love all of you.

Significant Others

Living with your father at age 23 comes with its expediencies, as I live rent free and have a live-in caregiver when my immune system fails, as it usually does. Living with your father at age 23 and single, however, presents its complications, as he happens to meet any male caller I might have, or at least gather enough information by eavesdropping on my phone calls to girlfriends to ask questions about said male callers.

So, I bring a guy over to hang out. Everything goes really well until my dad comes out of his little man cave and starts asking questions about where he is from, what he does for a living, and his opinions on abortion. Going with the politically correct (and most likely never correct in the conservative Loudenslager household) answer he states, "I believe in a woman's right to choose, but I would be ready to be a father if we made a mistake". Then my father punched him in the face. Then I punched him in the face for practically revealing our frivolous acts of premarital sex. Then my brother punched him in the face for having sex with his sister. Then I had to break up with this guy because his nose was so disfigured that I didn't want to have sex with him anymore.

You can see how this is a problem.

If I have found a person that I want to spend an evening, let alone subsequent evenings with, that is an incredible feat. That's a lot of people to sift through. It's a lot of douche bags to go on dates with, come to my senses about, and reject. This is a tedious process, you see, especially since there is such an over abundance of douche bags. I mean, think how many people are in China, let alone the world. The exact number escapes me at the moment. Point being, I am doing well for myself, just as I'm sure my father did well for himself...you know Dad, when you landed yourself that date with Brenda Penderghast and would listen to jazz music, hold hands, and gaze into each others eyes in the back seat of your Model T. Therefore, it falls upon you, as a parent, to not muck up any chance at a relationship I've got. I do that well enough on my own, thank you very much.

I've had enough romantic Valentine's Day getaways to Napa that I've been told "I just don't believe in marriage". It showcases a certain type of idiocy on the boyfriend's part, because who doesn't "believe" in marriage? It's an age-old proven institution. It's not like the state of marriage is a unicorn and he doesn't believe in unicorns. Ironically enough, this guy just so happened to believe in unicorns, and although I came to terms with the marriage dispute, it was his fervent belief in unicorns that was ultimately our undoing.

Dad, if a guy is mistreating me, I give you full margin to act on my behalf. You have every right to cave in his ankles and torture him in a Misery-type scenario, staying true to the Kathy Bates character, except instead of saying "I'm your biggest fan", you can say "I'm going to fuck you up good", which will make him tremble in fear, in addition to the uncontrollable sobbing brought about by the caved in ankles. Also, if any significant other of mine is caught engaging in misuse of drugs, it would be appropriate to intervene and confiscate all of their drugs and drug paraphernalia and redistribute said paraphernalia to myself so that I may experience for myself their harmful effects.

When you meet my relatively normal,  nonabusive, non-drug addled significant other, you must exude friendliness. Alas, this is what I can see happening...

Dad: (shoving me out of the way upon my significant others entrance into our home, embracing him with a hug) "Welcome to our home! I hope it's something like the home you will share with my daughter in the near future!"

Significant Other: (politely laughing and disengaging himself from my father's firm grip) "Well, we've only gone on two dates, I don't know if we're thinking about moving in together."

Dad: "You had better not think about moving in with her if you're not married young man."

Me: "Please stop."

Significant Other's Inner Thoughts: This family is crazy, I am breaking up with her as soon as I can get out of here.

Dad: (stiffly extends his hand) "Nice to meet you, (significant other's name)."

Significant Other: "Nice to meet you too."

Dad: "I would offer you a chair, but I have no idea how long you two will be together."

Me: "That was rude."

Significant Other's Inner Thouhts: Yes, rude, but he is incredibly accurate, there's no way I am talking to her again once I leave.

I looked it up on the Internet just now and apparently the Chinese population is increasing by ten million people a year and will peak in the middle of the twenty-first century at about 1.6 billion.