So I've been noticing that a lot of people have an "about me" list - you know, little fun-facts about philosophies, approaches, overarching beliefs, etc. Some of them are really serious. These lists include but are not limited to: "I'm a natural childbirth advocate", "I am not a Democrat or a Republican, I'm an American", "I'm a vegetarian", "I kill animals for fun", and "I am a radical Muslim - convert or die". After reading these lists, I decided that I need one - a nice, clear, honest, list.
So here are a few things you should know about me.
1) I always practice patience and honesty with people. And when that doesn't work, I yell, bribe, and make empty yet intimidating threats until I get my way.
2) I am a staunch, unswerving advocate of high court.
3) My dream is to get a PhD in English Literature so I can sit in classrooms discussing deconstructionist theory with a bunch of hungover 19-year-olds acting wildly interested, dropping Derrida quotes they really don't understand, solely to earn class participation points.
4) I eat organic and healthy foods. I also drink - a lot.
5) For reasons still unclear, I am still straight.
6) If I had my way, I'd be a rampant cigarette smoker. But I don't have my way. Apparently they cause cancer. I know they're disgusting, but I love them. I feel James Dean cool when I smoke them. These are not facts I share with my parents, and if they ask me, I will lie.
7) When my computer stalls, I bang on it.
8) When my boyfriend stalls, I bang him longer.
9) I love tattoos. That way when I'm 80 it will look like I stuck my lower back, ankle, inner wrist, and rib cage in a garbage disposal. I hate tattoos.
10) When I'm in a good mood I do interpretive dance moves around the house and listen to 90's music (usually the first on my playlist is Call On Me - Eric Prydz). When I'm in a bad mood I sit on the couch and yell at people.
11) I freakin' love my cat. He's the biz.
12) My roommate has a toy-sized chee-wa-wa. It's like a miniature devil. She has the hops of Michael Jordan and the speed of my dad's fart trajectory. I love her.
13) My idea of getting "dressed up" is looking incredibly sophisticated or incredibly slutty.
14) If you have a child or are a rapist that spends lots of time at the dinosaur land at West Acres, take note of the cloud around the (as Little Foot would say) long neck's neck...which I proudly take full responsibility for. When I was 10, I may or may not have shimmied my way up onto his head, cried my eyes out, and had a fireman come get me down.
15) I am very pro-life. Don't get an abortion, that's not very nice.
16) I watch enough CSI: Miami to frame a Unicorn for your death. I also have a perverted crush on Horatio.
17) I am a girly-girl. Seriously, I am.
18) When I hear things like "radical unschooling" the first thought that crosses my mind is: How is that radical? White trash meth addicts have been doing that for years. I can't help these thoughts, they just come. Sorry I'm not sorry.
19) I HATE when people say "sorry I'm not sorry".
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20) When I attempt to summarize myself in a list, the whole experience immediately degenerates into random tid-bits of useless information and I find myself reminded of why I don't try to summarize myself ever. How can a person be bullet-listed; characterized by nice, neat one-liners? I'm confused. I hate about me lists, but now I have one. So I'm going back to unpacking.
PS. I'm home :) And I could. not. be. happier! Friends and Family make a place what it is, and I love this place right here, just how it is. :)
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