Bill of Rights. Void where prohibited by law.

I begin amused, then get frustrated, then angry, and finally livid when I see anti-gunners spout off statistics about the dangers of guns, crime rates, and the effectiveness of gun control.

Bologna!

Then these statistics are countered by the pro-gun side, however no one ever changes their mind, no matter how impressive the numbers. Statistics are a liar's best friend, and liars know this better than anyone. Trust me, it's how I passed Statistics with Dr. Degges and debate with Mrs. Gunderson. I found out quickly that I could easily develop a long list of numbers to support any argument on either side, creating any impression I fancied. Politicians and the media do it all the same. Well let me tell you something, the founders of our country didn't have statistics folks, but what they had in abundance was common sense. So if you don't mind me lending a machete to your intellectual thicket, here is what I find commonly sensical:

Number 1: Thugs ignore gun laws. To think that individuals that ignore laws against murder, rape, assault, and robbery (just to name a few) will, by any stretch of lunacy, obey gun laws is ignorance in it's purest form.

Number 2: Thugs prefer unarmed victims and avoid potentially armed citizens. Amazing bit of deductive reasoning, isn't it? They prey on the defenseless. You don't hear about shootings in police precincts, but at schools. For crying out loud, these are innocent children! I am tearing up now, so forgive me for any emotional pull I might have, my last intent is to sway an opinion by appealing to one's emotions. Back to my point, areas where individuals aren't "packin" are easy pickins for people with harmful and cruel intentions.

Number 3: Crime is deviant behavior. A gun is an inanimate tool, not deviant behavior; and crime is deviant behavior, not an inanimate tool. You can't prevent deviant behavior by regulating tools, because tools are incapable of behavior, and the number of tools available to the world's deviants is endless. Even if you could remove guns from existence by legislative fiat, deviants would, could, and have used other means that give them a power advantage over their victims. Knives, clubs, rocks, sticks, all of which are very legal and readily accessible.

Number 4: The strongest point of all is a mere twenty-seven words and is absolute in its nature. It trumps all statistics ever concocted by man and all arguments ever made - and not one of these twenty-seven words is a number. "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed." Absolute, unambiguous, and supercedes all arguments and statistics.

Well, that was a little intense, however, necessary. Now I'm going to go watch the Grinch. Merry Christmas everyone.

So there's that.

Let's get one thing straight, America:  Miley Cyrus is not the problem.

I don't care how often she "twerks" or humps teddy bears or foam hands. The problem is not that she's a complete moron, the problem is that YOU are surprised by it, appalled by it, offended by it, and/or overcome with sympathy for her (which is the weirdest of them all, in my opinion).

I know this is so two weeks ago, but I heard a parent on Y94 today griping about how monumentally disappointed they are that their child's favorite role model would DARE act in such a way.

Check it out, people that are bent out of shape that Hannah Montana, your daughter's "role model" is grinding the groin of some giant stuffed bear and a dude who lyrically advocates rape (funny nobody is tweaked about him, eh?) - the only dumbass in this scenario is you. If you are relying on the media, makers of Honey Boo Boo and Jersey Shore, to provide role models for your children, I'm sorry but you're a lunatic.

If you are not teaching your children that American media is designed for one purpose and one purpose only - to sell things to the perpetually moronic - then can it about Miley Cyrus and get a clue.

She wanted publicity. She got publicity. It was wildly successful, we're all still talking about it aren't we?

Boom. Her job's done.

She is not responsible for acting in some way that encourages your daughter to use her brain or not rub her nose in the asses of stuffed bears. You, parents, are responsible for that. If you've raised a kid so backward that he or she can't watch the vapidity of that performance and say to himself or herself "what the hell is wrong with people?" then you have some work to do.

Why don't you teach your kid some critical thinking skills instead of whine about some stranger on stage?

In case you haven't noticed, the days where American mainstream media gave a shit about quality, message, or substance have disappeared like the majority of Miley's clothes and carbohydrates intake. You want your kid to watch art? Goodness? Substance?

Watch some Leave it to Beaver or Lassie. Better yet, take them to a freaking museum. Go outside. Do something. Do whatever you want. But please, for the love of all that is holy, stop looking to the media as a guiding light for your child and then acting all surprised when somebody masturbates with a foam finger.

And all you people attacking her, a 20-year-old barely woman, for acting like a slut/whore/whatever you want to call her, stick this in your pipe and smoke it: She can act however she damn well pleases.

You know you did the same when you were 20, only she's making millions of dollars whereas you made an ass out of yourself at frat parties and walked home in shame.

I digress. Sort of.

But seriously, why is she held up to some standard? She's a pop entertainer. She has a whole team behind her telling her what to and not to do. The pop entertainment world constitutes the standards against which she is held, and I think we all can agree those standards are LOW.

Her job is to make money by drawing attention to herself. You think she has ruined her career? COME ON. This merely piques our interest, the question everyone is asking themselves is "what is she going to do next?"

Jokes on us, folks.

She gets on stage and darts around like a tweaked out sex-addict squirrel with a broken tongue and weird hair and all of America responds on cue: The scandal! The shame! Not Hannah Montana! Center of the national spotlight! Screw Syria! Screw Egypt! Miley will ruin the world!

Hi, my name is Kalae, and I judge everybody.

So a few things have come up lately that have caused me to think about the whole concept of judging others.

Or, perhaps, not judging others.

People tend to say that a lot: "Don't judge."

Or "I don't judge." This is, in my opinion, one of the hugest piles of steaming bullshit around.

Most of the individuals who claim "not to judge" are some of the most judgmental people on the planet - they just keep it all inside - obsessed with the political correctness movement, wherein we all judge each other silently, but violently, and stand from our pedestal of righteousness and superiority since we refer to criminals as "unsavory characters", drug addicts as "chemically challenged", and lazy pieces of shit as "motivationally deficient".

Which are, in and of themselves, judgments.

Because as far as I can tell, there is no way to avoid judging others. It's like an auto-pilot reaction to life. I have been conditioned by my social,  economic, and cultural background to perceive the world in a certain way. I've developed black and white areas in my head distinguishing between right and wrong. educated or not, classy or not - the list continues.

I can't just THINK that shit away. I can't just erase them with positive self-talk and Oprah.

In my experience, the best thing to do with judgments is to admit they're there, face them directly, and focus on being as willing as possible to let them go should information that negates them comes my way and try to keep an open mind.

After giving it some thought, I think people that say "don't judge" really mean "don't condemn".

And that, I think, is some sound advice. If I reject people because they're doing something I don't agree with, I have entered the land of closed-mindedness and I am sure to stay swimming forever in a pool of my own judgments and hate.

I have all kinds of people in my life that do things that make me wonder if they have a mental disorder, but I freaking love them anyway. My love goes past my ego's need to judge them. I watch my judgement come up, maybe I say something, maybe I don't, but it's always about going back to loving them. There's more to a person than the one thing that REALLY irritates me. 

Hold onto that.


Unless that thing is really fucking BIG. Then we can't be friends. I'm not Mother Theresa, you know.

Some behavior needs to be judged. We have to use our brains to look critically at what this world is selling us. Someone can't just beat their child and have everyone think "oh, let's be open minded and support them in their beliefs".

So where to we draw the line? Everyone has their own interpretation of right and wrong, sure some are obvious, like child abuse, but on smaller-scale things like how to treat someone that's done you wrong...some would say "an eye for an eye" and others would say "turn the other cheek" - so which is right? They're completely opposite...is there a compromise?

For instance, Martin Luther King Jr. Was he not judging? Was he not taking a look at this society and analyzing it like a jeweler analyzes a diamond, assessing what is right and wrong. He judged, but he didn't condemn. And his love made him profoundly effective.

No, I am not comparing myself to MLK Jr. Um....that would be ridiculous. He changed our country. I say "fuck" a lot and complain about the weather.

But I do try in my own small, unimportant, slightly pathetic way, to say things honestly as I see them, to stand up for things that I believe to be true and right and real.

I've never had the gift of small talk or indirectness or beating around the proverbial bush. Consequently, I am really good at removing my foot from my mouth.

I am so used to being wrong it's not even funny.

But I still get worked up when others tell me I'm wrong, as my ego stomps it's foot, screaming obscenities from the corner of the room, and I write pissed off retaliatory blogs. I am childish, self-centered, egotistical, and shallow.

I am a person with judgments, and disasters, and failures, and tantrums.

I will let you down. I will contradict myself. I will walk out too soon and overstay my welcome. I will speak the wrong words.

I just hope you all can love me the same way I will strive to love all of you.