So there's that.

Let's get one thing straight, America:  Miley Cyrus is not the problem.

I don't care how often she "twerks" or humps teddy bears or foam hands. The problem is not that she's a complete moron, the problem is that YOU are surprised by it, appalled by it, offended by it, and/or overcome with sympathy for her (which is the weirdest of them all, in my opinion).

I know this is so two weeks ago, but I heard a parent on Y94 today griping about how monumentally disappointed they are that their child's favorite role model would DARE act in such a way.

Check it out, people that are bent out of shape that Hannah Montana, your daughter's "role model" is grinding the groin of some giant stuffed bear and a dude who lyrically advocates rape (funny nobody is tweaked about him, eh?) - the only dumbass in this scenario is you. If you are relying on the media, makers of Honey Boo Boo and Jersey Shore, to provide role models for your children, I'm sorry but you're a lunatic.

If you are not teaching your children that American media is designed for one purpose and one purpose only - to sell things to the perpetually moronic - then can it about Miley Cyrus and get a clue.

She wanted publicity. She got publicity. It was wildly successful, we're all still talking about it aren't we?

Boom. Her job's done.

She is not responsible for acting in some way that encourages your daughter to use her brain or not rub her nose in the asses of stuffed bears. You, parents, are responsible for that. If you've raised a kid so backward that he or she can't watch the vapidity of that performance and say to himself or herself "what the hell is wrong with people?" then you have some work to do.

Why don't you teach your kid some critical thinking skills instead of whine about some stranger on stage?

In case you haven't noticed, the days where American mainstream media gave a shit about quality, message, or substance have disappeared like the majority of Miley's clothes and carbohydrates intake. You want your kid to watch art? Goodness? Substance?

Watch some Leave it to Beaver or Lassie. Better yet, take them to a freaking museum. Go outside. Do something. Do whatever you want. But please, for the love of all that is holy, stop looking to the media as a guiding light for your child and then acting all surprised when somebody masturbates with a foam finger.

And all you people attacking her, a 20-year-old barely woman, for acting like a slut/whore/whatever you want to call her, stick this in your pipe and smoke it: She can act however she damn well pleases.

You know you did the same when you were 20, only she's making millions of dollars whereas you made an ass out of yourself at frat parties and walked home in shame.

I digress. Sort of.

But seriously, why is she held up to some standard? She's a pop entertainer. She has a whole team behind her telling her what to and not to do. The pop entertainment world constitutes the standards against which she is held, and I think we all can agree those standards are LOW.

Her job is to make money by drawing attention to herself. You think she has ruined her career? COME ON. This merely piques our interest, the question everyone is asking themselves is "what is she going to do next?"

Jokes on us, folks.

She gets on stage and darts around like a tweaked out sex-addict squirrel with a broken tongue and weird hair and all of America responds on cue: The scandal! The shame! Not Hannah Montana! Center of the national spotlight! Screw Syria! Screw Egypt! Miley will ruin the world!